Thursday 21st of June 2018
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What your umbrella says about you

As if the fields weren’t drenched enough after the recent arctic conditions, now it’s the turn of the rain to churn things up even more and affect competitions.

So with Rihanna’s catchy tune stuck on replay in you head, now is the time to grab your brollies…but what exactly does your umbrella say about you. It’s more revealing than you thought, writes Eve Jones.

1. Dubarry 

You mean business. The horses have been exercised and mucked out in a gale and now you’re hitting Burghley Horse Trials for the shopping. You’ve discovered the powerful opening action of the Dubarry Storm umbrella is an excellent weapon for scattering ditherers at both stalls and cross-country ropes. Efficiency is key. No-one or nothing will get in your way. £39.00

2. Brolliesgalore.co.uk 

You are the Queen. Or, like her you are so famous it is imperative you are visible to adoring crowds and paparazzi at all times. Even more cheerfully, just like Her Majesty, at £8.95 you have a rainbow of options to match every outfit. £8.95

3. Fortnum’s Golf Umbrella 

The undisputed Point-to-Point matriarch, your car picnic from your 1997 Discovery is legendary. Homemade brownies, sausage rolls, chicken and mushroom soup (with optional but recommended slosh of sherry), baskets of sandwiches, and a vast bar of mighty home brews of varying vintages. Scruff the border terrier, also seemingly bought in 1997, has prize position under your brolly at the collecting ring while your husband soggily makes use of his tweed cap and doggedly re-waxed Barbour. £85.00

4. Folding Thelwell Umbrella 

Your handbag is home to hoof-picks, half eaten jam sandwiches, used tissues and a bunch of keys so heavy with key rings the children have bought over the years you resemble a toddler’s prison gaoler. You had a smart umbrella but you lost it at a Pony Club rally when you lent it to the terrifying DC and are too afraid to ask for it back so are now using Tilly’s that Granny bought her for Christmas. £8.50

5. Hermes

You are European. You like ze showjumping and ze very tight white jodhpurs. Your hair is shinier than a show pony and your sunglasses (Gucci) are eeenormoos. Your stepfather is a rock star and your boyfriend is devastating. Both pale in comparison to your dazzling horse who cost as much your place on the French Riviera. You don’t do damp. £660.00

6. Brolliesgalore.co.uk 

Impossibly chic, you breeze through the social season, nailing the dress code at every turn. Your wardrobe is half vintage (so useful to be small enough to wear 1940s originals) and part designer samples given to you, with added personal touches. When you float along polo side lines men gawp while women self consciously reach for their hairbrushes. Worse, you are disarmingly nice. £8.95

7. Umbrella with Fox Handle 

Having finally sold the Chelsea house and finished renovating the Old Rectory in Weston Snitchbury you’re fully committing to country life. Peter, has semi-retired from the city and taken up a mastership of the local hunt and while you do sometimes miss the Kings Road set, Soho Farmhouse is just around the corner and the Heythrop P2P is actually very smart you know. £95.00

8. Fulton Stormshield Double Canopy Walker Umbrella, Blue 

 Umbrellas are utility. They keep you dry. You have umbrella on every parcel shelf. Good for dashing into the supermarket, school rugby side lines and hunter trial spectating.  You do not care if it’s blue and black, or red and white, or if it fits in your handbag or matches your coat. Are you wet? Bad. Are you dry? Good. £27.00

9. Unique Umbrellas

You used to organise the local Young Farmers AGM and are running the hunt social committee. Your wardrobe staple, when not in jodhpurs, is Timothy Foxx with Dubarry boots. You are a groom as well as keeping two of your own horses, work shifts in the Horse and Jockey pub and are by general consensus a poppet and proper good time country girl. £99.00

10. Umbrella hat by Sunshine D Festival

You are the dad who literally does not give a F**k. Your head is dry and your kids are crippled with embarrassment. Your job here is done. £2.99

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