Firstly, no, this is not an innuendo. I’m not talking professor whats-his-face from Harry Potter who turns into a wherewolf – or Siruis Black for that matter! I’m on about an innocent night sharing a bed with your furry friend (still not an innuendo!!)
Ok, so get ready for a roller coaster ride into helping you prevent a ruff night’s sleep…pun intended.
1) It’s most likely that your little pooch will snore….Like a pig. My dog is a regular representative of the snore-my-owner-to-sleep squad and I’m telling you BRING EAR PLUGS. This is especially appropriate if you have a pug. I mean, those things snore when they’re breathing, let-a-lone lying on their back on a comfy bed with pillows and stuff!
2) You will have no room to move. Get into a position and stay there – Stand. Your. Ground. I am promising you now, you could have a XXXL king size bed but there still won’t be enough room for the two of you. Dogs are well known for taking up the WHOLE bed. My advice? Just don’t even bother – sleep on the floor.
3) Bring a nose peg. Unless your dog smells of fresh roses and you clean their teeth every day, I advise not using that schnoz of yours because you will regret it.
4) Do not put fresh sheets on. If you have the time to wash your dog every day, fair play, but if you don’t…you know what will happen to your precious linen covers – believe me, it won’t be different this time.
5) Prepare to be woken up early. Now, this depends on your dog; my border terrier is far too lazy and wakes up at midday when he can. But my Mum’s border collie? Well….6am on the dot.
If you have a morning lark in the house hold, I doubt you’ll be getting a lie-in. It’ll be a cold morning walk for you.
6) Prepare to be woken up during the night. Either you’ve lost blood circulation in one leg, your dog is barking at a badger in the garden or she really needs a pee, you will be woken up at some point.
7) Don’t bring a hot water bottle – you already have one!
8) Make room for dog toys. Just like 6 year old girls, your beloved companion could well want all of their toys at the end of the bed – they’ll either be buried away under your covers or they’ll be in your dogs’ employment all night. If you rest your head on a pillow to find it releases a distinctive squeak, you now know why.
9) Speaking of your bed, those biscuits you gave little Rex earlier? Yeah, expect to go on an unwanted dog-treat-treasure-hunt at some point in the night; once you’ve found one you’ll want to find the rest.
10) Take loads of selfies…Instagram loves that stuff, plus, it gives you a lasting memory of that night you spent with an absolute dog….cor, what a howler that pun was!
…Ok….Ok, I’ll stop now…